dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
