why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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