I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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