dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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