Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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