nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize