Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
