shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
