apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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