I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
