i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
