2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
