do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
