I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize