After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
