she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
