on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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