no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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