It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
