Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
