Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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