3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
