I wish I only lived at night.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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