I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
