LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
