things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
