Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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