If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
