the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
These tits shall not be calmed
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize