Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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