I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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