How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
