True but thats because hes a fetus.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
