unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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