dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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