I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
