Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
