p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
no, he came in my armpit
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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