I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
