I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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