just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
