Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
