You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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