And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize