Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
