totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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