She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she woke up with a sticky ear
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
