Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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