Non-Jews are for practice
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
