if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
