Old men and throwing up are my life now.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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