Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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