Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
