Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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