I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize