I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
