how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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