I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
