i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
