I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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