i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
