The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Randomize
