Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
