my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
