she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Randomize
