You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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