i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
