Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
