dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
