so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
