The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Randomize
