i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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