Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
