Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
