i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
