Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
