I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
