woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
