Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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